Friday, December 31, 2010

No distance to hold us back

In the words of John Lennon, "another year over and a new one just begun". It's been a good year. I know the new one hasn't begun yet but it's close. There have been some changes in thought. Some developments in self. I think big things are happening. Actually, I know big things are happening. I serve a God who is beyond grand. He is doing huge things. In my life I feel improvement. I'm learning to live with who I am. I'm learning to take that as it should be. I have more to write on but now is not the time. Just a small update. Not all the words I'd like are here but perhaps one day soon I'll share them with you. Until then, Happy Old Year and Embracements of the New one!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Technology, Children, & Their Parents

I've been meaning to post this for some time now. I had this image in my head and thought I would put it on here sometime, so here goes:

Technology has changed our world forever. In many cases, life has improved but it has also gotten worse. Access to information is much easier than it has ever been. That has made research for papers and gathering information on popular opinion very easy. But it also means that so much is available for our youth. Meaning if little Johnny asks his parents a question but they feel he is not ready for the answer he can easily search for it on the Internet. But the answers he finds may not be far from correct. We must be careful about allowing unlimited Internet access to our children. This is not to say that we should place strict limits on Internet use for children, but then again maybe that is not such a bad idea after all. We need to trust our children to seek out information in reliable sources and when they receive false information we must learn to teach them the right way. Sure, children will find information through other sources, such as friends, television, movies, video games, etc. but we need to be aware of what is being fed to them. Parents must be present in their children's lives. They must be a source that children can go to for advice and guidance.
I am but a child of twenty-two myself and have no children of my own so there are obviously things that I am leaving out but I just think that parents should play an active role in their children's lives. After all, isn't that the number one job of parents: raising their children? They don't say that child-rearing is a full-time job for nothing. Just a thought from one spinning cerebrum hoping to spin others.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Run it's a Chocolate Jefferson Aero Plane!

Here is me. For whoever may still read this. I do not say still because I have forgotten about this Blog. Nor do I say it because I no longer write in it. Perhaps I say it because with such large gaps in between posts it is hard to know when to check back for another one. Or maybe it's because I figure some people probably won't read this, at least for a long time.
Nevertheless I am here. I have remained the same person since last time. Perhaps this time it is a shade of different person. Maybe a reflection of that shade. Maybe a fraction of that reflection. Possibly a hint of that fraction. I'm not really sure what I'm getting at; only that I'm the same with differences. We all change from day to day don't we? Sometimes the changes are much larger than they are at other times. Subtle changes can grow into grand effects. So certainly there is hope for change. We must be careful though, not to let the subtle damaging changes to creep into the lives we strive toward.
One thing I wanted to share with you (whoever that may be) are a few song lyrics where the writers seem to share a similar shade of life with me. Or at least there is a relevancy in my life to these lately. Here's the first:

"Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words
What have I done?
It's too late for that"

and the second:

"To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do"

and the third:

"and I'll go
to undergo a surgery
to purge me of this lonely mood
and my ego
the status quo provides me with a decent attitude
and i'll go
to undergo a change of heart
a change of clothes

and when i'm home
i think i'll go
eat cereal and stare
out the window"

But that's just me. And just now. Or just recently. Who knows what the future holds but God Himself?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Kiss of Autumn

A quick word:

As Autumn approaches it begins to become visible
It's as if someone has kissed the tops of the trees
The leaves are green from the ground up
But the tree tops are kissed with color
It is a transition from one season to the next.

Is that like me?
Am I in a transition of seasons?
Are you trying to leave me behind?

I'm not really sure where I'm going this time
There have been times of death
And places where death should be
But reviving my flesh might be the death of me.

So I'll go on living
Knowing there is life out there
Knowing life can be in here
And that I should not seek to define myself in anything outward.
Even things that come from within shouldn't be who I am.

But I plan to go on living
And hope that certain aspects will again begin dying.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Sorry Charlie

Sorry peanut butter but I guess I just didn't realize what I was doing. Who knew this ship sailed two ways? Perhaps someday we'll all discover where it is You're taking us.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Secrets and Seasons

"I need another life gets kind of boring"~OneRepublic

Hey world. Welcome to my sweet life.
Classes are about to start back up. Well, I've got a couple weeks still but I'm very ready for them to be here. I'm ready to have fun in Boone. I'm ready to see friends and get to know people. This fall will be an amazing one. Big things are happening this fall. Be warned. This fall lives will change and people will learn life. We will learn to live life and learn what it's about.

I've thought a little every now and then about what my favorite season is. I wonder does it just change every season? Does it become the opposite of what it is? If so, that's no way to live. I need to learn to live in the present. So here's a case for each season:

Winter: This probably is my true favorite season. It has Christmas in it, definitely the most wonderful time of the year! It's great to be able to snuggle next to someone you love. It's a season of nostalgia. Nostalgia is a warm feeling that reminds the rest of your body that your heart has memories. Snow falls bringing newness to the dead trees. Many people view winter as a gloomy time, where everything has either died or is in hibernation. But I see it as a new beginning. The purity of snow is a reminder that we can be reborn in Christ. God sees us as holy and blameless, white like snow because of the sacrifice of Jesus, once for all.

Spring: At the start of spring are the remnants of winter. In regions of snow this means huge piles of snow that isn't even recognizable as such. These large, gray piles are full of exhaust, dirt, and other groundflakes. These don't really add to the aesthetics of any landscape. They are like remains of buildings in former Soviet Union nations. The many crumbles of objects that make up their bland color are like the things we try to do to make our lives better, or appear so. We cover our wounds with fake smiles so that people don't know how we really feel. Or we try to be moral, thinking we can earn a better life or even our way to Heaven. But that's not true, the price has already been paid, we must make a decision of whether or not to accept it.

Summer: This could possibly be my least favorite season. Although my birthday is in the summer I consistently find myself with nothing to do. The summer months are full of long days with nothing to do. Lately I just sleep if I don't have anything to do and it feels like I'm watching years of my life go by. Yet, when there is something to do the joy greatly expands. It is nice to be out of school at times and be able to hang out with friends. Sometimes it's nice to not have any obligations but it sure gets old really fast. It's a shame the days are longest in the summer. But who am I to complain? If this is what I complain about then I don't really have any right to do so. There are people in the world who walk for miles just to feed their families each day. People who don't have a choice of whether or not to work. People who don't know what freedom sounds like. And here I am complaining about the length of the day, not having something to do, or humidity. Who am I?

Autumn: Maybe my second favorite season. School begins, though it really does at the end of the summer. I actually like school. Especially getting started in classes and discovering new things and people. In the fall leaves begin to change colors and God shows His beauty in the leaves. If you don't believe me come to the Appalachian Mountains in the Fall. It's as if He painted each leaf individually. That's like you and me. God knit us together in our mother's womb whether you believe it or not. He painted us the perfectly. Each of us is the perfect shade of brown that He wanted for us. He wouldn't have us any other way. The way that He made us is just how He loves us. We are all different shades and tints just like the autumn leaves, but perfectly different. He didn't make mistakes when He made us. Sure, some people are born with birth defects, but God may be glorified in their lives and actions.

This has been an uplifting post to myself. I hope it is to you as well. It was a nice way to end a rather slow day. And here is a page of a few pictures that I found on StumbleUpon. Very interesting!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

No. 1 Pencils

So I had a great idea last night while I was trying to go to sleep. Instead of holding off and letting pieces of the idea evaporate and the image slowly vaporize until I put it somewhere I decided to put it to "paper" tonight. Well, I made it in Photoshop and I actually think it looks better than I thought of it in my mind, which doesn't usually happen. So I hope you enjoy it! :) ¡Cuidense!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Masks, A Pendulum, and other Ramblings

In a weird mood right now. I painted/drew in pastels something that's been on my mind lately. Something I've wanted to portray to people outside of my mind but can't get the picture from my phone to upload here so maybe I'll put it on later when I sync my phone with my computer. The work is called "Good students wear masks" and it's about how in order to be a good student it seems that our society is teaching us that we can't be ourselves. We must be equipped with several masks so that we can adapt to different situations. Letting people see our real selves is faux pas. Really? I think honesty is so much more worth it. But still I have to get by in this world I live in so I fall into the trap of needing to cover myself again and again. If I don't fit in with the mold that people have made I need to invest in another mask. But that's not what I was made for! I wasn't made to constantly change who I am to please others. I was made to be who I am. And I have a God who loves me for who I am. How great!
Another thing..I've been hoping for a relationship for some time now. I mean like I'm pretty much always hoping for that one relationship that will fill this void that I feel. It's strange 'cause I know that a relationship with God is the only great, perfect, and true relationship there is. But I also know that He will provide. He is preparing my wife and I for each other. Even now. So I've been planning on what to do come this fall when I go back to school. But you know what? I don't have to be planning that. I must know that He has it all under control. And when the time comes I will know. But (I know I'm probably repeating myself) so many times feel like it could be the right time. And so many times I am in it so much deeper than the other. Most of the time the other person doesn't even know that I have feelings for her. A true relationship involves the giving and receiving. I'm just not so good at the receiving part. Perhaps that's the part that God is preparing in me now, even as my heart splits in at least two parts and I try to plan my next move. The strings of my heart must form a pendulum because it seems to swing from one side to the next quite easily. Very recently it has been leaning to one particular side. But the two directions in which the pendulum swings require patience. They require waiting until late August. And right now that seems pretty far away. Each day it gets closer and perhaps this vacation approaching will help the time pass. But I really just want someone to talk with. I've been at home for too long it seems. I'm ready to be somewhere. I like being at home and it has been relaxing but still sometimes I feel something slowly crumbling. Or perhaps it is something expanding. It needs somewhere to expand into. Somewhere to empty out. Or it will drive a hole in my being. I need to be free and right now I sometimes just feel restricted. I'm stuck in a box with nowhere to go. Calls aren't answered. People don't respond. Others are hours away. My life stands still and life seems to go by without even waving to me. So I'm just trying to live everyday and I'm waiting for the surprise from a God who saves. The surprise of who it is, the surprise of when. I know that new days come and everyday is already planned. It's just hard not knowing when..

Saturday, July 3, 2010

New Logo!

I've been workin' on a lot with Photoshop lately. Just messin' around a little everyday but it's paying off. I've got another Blog now that shows my recent work. I'm trying to update that once a day and so far it's going pretty well. It's fun learning as I go along. The last couple of days I've been working on a design that I thought might become part of that Blog but now I've just made it into a personal Blog logo. I really like the way it turned out and hope to be able to do more stuff like it in the future. Let me know what you think of it! ¡Cuidense!

P.S. Nice effort today (and throughout the Cup) Paraguay! And was fun!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

More than Surviving in a Globalized Society

It's been a while on here.

The past few days I've had an idea for a post but I just haven't put it up yet. Let's see if I can remember it all.

More than Surviving in a Globalized Society:

1. Know where you stand and stand firm there.
2. Get to know the world outside of your own. Explore new people and places.
3. Respect others' points of view and establish your own.
4. Ask questions when you don't understand.
5. Remember that life is about living, not just surviving.
6. Learn from the mistakes you've made and the times you made them.
7. Accept help when it is offered sincerely.
8. There is always something new to learn.
9. Be creative and original.
10. Accept that change happens and can be for better or worse.
11. Aspire to be yourself in a new way, not a version of yourself that is based upon someone else.
12. Gain background information through reading, attending a conference, or listening to a knowledgeable human being.
13. You're never too strong to fall down in this life.
14. No one can control your actions but yourself.
15. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
16. When you're not certain, admit it.
17. A dishonest response bears rotten fruit.
18. Every single person makes multiple mistakes.
19. Accept differences and build bridges.
20. Sometimes you're wrong.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Becoming an Active Helper

"I want to help people, that's what I want to do."

Have you ever heard someone say this? Or perhaps you've said it yourself. I know I've said at least something similar. But so many people say this. So how do we get past it? How do we get to a place where we go from the desire to the motivation of action and onto the footsteps of action? I think there are probably several steps. One important step that I realized tonight is knowing the kind of people that you want to help. The people you want to help are the people that you feel jumping in your heart when you are around them or after you have been with them.

For me that group of people is immigrants, in particular Hispanic immigrants. I was able to talk with a coworker of mine tonight and it reminded me of how much I love immigrants. I feel like whenever I talk with an immigrant I get that feeling all over again. It's like meeting your first love.

So I think that my call is to help the immigrant population in our country. I want to help them however I can. I want to be a light in a dark place. I want to show life where there seems to be little hope. I am glad that God is showing me who He wants me to be. I look forward to continuing to see where this goes.

What do you think are some necessary steps in becoming an active helper, rather than just a hopeful admirer?

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Hope Smiles Brightly

I'm wearing a smile now. And it's a great feeling. It's not because I'm done with exams. It's not because the weather is nice. It's not because it's summertime. But it's because I know there is hope in the future. Night, although such a tranquil time of peace and quiet, can be so hard for me at times. But not tonight. Tonight God gave me hope. Tonight I realized that with so many people looking down God still looks up. I know that so many things may seem to be looking grim but it is not permanent. I know that God shows His hope in his people. This life is about more than just waiting for the next. If that's all it was, then why would He have put us here in the first place? We have reason to live these lives we're in. I see hope in people putting action to their faith that God has given them. I see hope in people loving the "unlovable" and caring for the "uncareable." Isn't that what Jesus did? Shouldn't He continue to do it? Aren't we His body? Aren't we the people who are Jesus to the world? Go out and do something! Or stay in and do something, if it means that you will be loving the world the way that God does. God may not love the brokenness of the world but He loves every individual person in it. So should we. We should love with a nonjudgmental love. We should love without reservations. Love is free and why should we charge others for it? Do any of us long to pay for a hug? Do we have the desire to fork over a little cash for someone to listen to us? Do we urge even slightly to give our up minds just so that someone will want to be with us? Have we the inclination to be someone else, just so that we can be known? Then why do we require that of others? Why don't you give yourself so that someone else might truly live? What sacrifice is so great that you would risk eternity for it? What about someone else's eternity? Do we really think that our pride is that significant in the long scheme of things? If we get over ourselves we could actually make a difference in this world. We can have a lasting impact. Loving someone for who they are can dramatically change that person's life. A smile, gentle words, the offer to hold someone's heavy weight; these can all change a person's day. If you change a person's day, they may wonder what the difference is in you. God may give you the opportunity to speak His words. He may plant the seed for someone else to to say those words. So, I ask you, will you hold someone's heart today?

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

These words are my diary screaming out loud

My last post was lost to the space that is cyber so I shall try again...
I felt it. I saw it. I could feel the pull of the magnet. I, the negative charge, was being drawn near to her positivity. It was like an urge I couldn't resist. Perhaps it has something to do with the chemistry. My heart felt something that my mind cannot describe. I had words in my heart that find no meaning in my mouth. Words that couldn't be expressed. It was a pull that tugged toward her glow. And there was a moment. A moment where it seemed everything stopped. Everything but she and I. I saw her through the crowd. It's not that I hadn't seen her before. But something happened that time. I saw her glow and her smile told me something. She may not have been looking at me but I feel something deep inside just thinking about her. Is it my soul stirring? She has something bright and I'm not afraid to confide in her.
And this will be another summer, I know. A summer of waiting. A summer of patience. As if I haven't had to be patient enough. But I know that this time it will be worth it. I know that the patience will not be in vain. I know there is a light. It will be hard, I know. But will that not remind me of how great the reward is? Through great suffering the reward is made great. I will endure. I will fall down but I know I will get back up. This summer will be like one before but the reward is great for those who wait. So I will wait.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

How to change the world

How to change the world:

Ask someone what is on their heart. Be sincere in your question. Be true in your answer. Be present in your listening. Don't worry about what people will think of your answer. When you appreciate someone, tell them. Accept advice when it's given. Remember grains of salt. Don't ignore the rapid beating of your warm heart. When you smile, let it shine inside. Use small words to convey big ideas.


Hey there! I haven't posted on here in a little bit. So here's the overflow of my mind.
I haven't been up to much lately. My life has consisted of a lot of sleeping and then school. I've been really lazy lately and have to find something to remedy that. I want to get a job somewhere, but where? I want to work somewhere that I can be among the immigrant population. I may try and get a job at Chik Fil-A. We'll see what happens.
I had been feeling pretty lonely but was sort of praying yesterday but didn't really know the words to speak. I just wanted someone to speak sincerely with and God answered that prayer. I spoke with a good friend of mine as well as my roommate and those were great! Talking with my friend in the afternoon wasn't a very long conversation but it was so beneficial. I thank God that He used her and I'm going to thank her for that. I have an art project due next Thursday and have some interesting ideas for it. I'm pretty excited to see how that works out. I'm not sure what I'm going to do this weekend but I'll probably be working on that at least some. I need to stop being so lazy and move forward. Staying still isn't standing still. Staying still is moving backwards. I want this life to be more than gray. So I'm hoping for a path that will lead me forward. I'm hoping for a plan that is not just written, but drawn. I want to see where I can go and be pushed that way in a gentle, joyful push. So as I leave you here, I will try to move in some direction because this stillness shakes me until I cannot move and my motivation has evaporated.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A Mild Tremor Within The Brain

Hi. I'm Kirby. Well, you can call me that. I don't know what to say but I feel words welling up in my mind. This is me trying to give them a voice. I can hear them in the distance but I don't understand what they are saying. I sense freedom and know that I have found it in the most true way of the word. But still sometimes I can feel restriction. How can that be freedom? Is it even anywhere near it? So I'm just writing what it is as it draws nearer to my frontal lobe. It's another thought on patience. That's something I'm still working on. Some of the words that I have begun to hear are words that can't yet come out. Words that have restrictions. Those are the words that lack the freedom. Yet, they are not in chains. These words aren't enslaved in my mind, they just wish the circumstances were different. So, I would have to say contentment is important too. Achieving contentment seems like an oxymoron. To achieve such a thing as contentment is not reasonable. Contentment must be found where one is. It is not to be achieved. But still we search for it. This is quite unlike the door to our dreams. I read a small passage in my journal today and it really made me think. We don't search for the door to our dreams because we are too afraid that if we find it, not only may our dreams become reality, but our nightmares as well. So the door remains in the wide open. An iceberg in the desert. But no one dares go near it. Some have thought about going close but on further thinking pursued reality. So our dreams remain separate from our reality. They are separate but both very real. So those are the words that the cerebrum let escape on this Wednesday afternoon. There are still uncountable words in there and only a small fraction of them will ever leave. But when they do, how will they be seen?

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

What about Acting?

I have come to the realization that being an actor isn't something I'd really like to do. If you're constantly posing as other people what will be written about you? Nothing. Instead of being your own person, you will constantly be someone else. It's not that I've really wanted to be an actor but I mean I've sort of had it in the back of my head at times. I just don't feel like pursuing it and find so much more joy in other things. I would rather be myself and really enjoy living this life than constantly live the lives of other people and find some joy. If you think about it a lot of movies and shows are about normal people. They become extraordinary and actors portray them so that others may know of what they've done.
That's just something I was thinking about. Take care!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Dear Vienna, All is Love, Always

"I regarded the world as such a sad sight until I viewed it in black and white"~Owl City

Hey there.

I'm not really sure where this is leading but just go with it.

I got a fun idea from a note I saw that someone wrote on Facebook. It said write "ten things you wish you could say to ten anonymous people right now." So, I'm not sure if I'll do ten but I thought it was a neat idea. So here goes...

1. I think you're a fun person to hang out with. It's fun to talk with you but I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I don't see us in a relationship. I think being friends works just fine. But I don't know how to tell you because what if I'm wrong in thinking that you like me? I don't want to seem conceited so I don't know how to tell you.

2. Man! You're so pretty. Sometimes it's hard to focus in class 'cause I'm thinking about you. Then I catch myself and try not to. I've got to focus on class, especially since you've already got someone else. I like talking with you or just listening to you speak but I want to respect you and your boyfriend. So I'm trying so hard to be patient and wait for the day when you two are no longer together. You also remind me a lot of my sister and I really admire my sister so that's a very good thing! I want you to see the other side of me but I'm trying to respect your current relationship. ...Maybe I'll find someone else before you break...

3. I've got a weird feeling you may get proposed to this week..but really I don't think it'll happen. But I do think that you and him will get married eventually. Good for you guys. I can only wonder though, did you ever feel anything for me? By the way, I'm so sorry for ever being that guy.

4. You're really a great friend and I'm glad I have you in my life. I know there was a time that we were both sort of confused as to where we stand. But for whatever reason I think staying friends with you is just fine with me. I'm glad we can be really close and that we both agree on that. You really are a great person and some guy is gonna be really lucky to get to spend the rest of his life with you.

5. Boy was it hard letting go of you. Correction it is hard letting go of you. I really just wanted to show you that there is someone who cares for you. I wanted to care for you the way that a real friend does. I want you to know that the Truth. I've wanted you to see that there is so much more to this life than all these temporary joys. I hope someday you will see that. I hope you will find someone who cares for who you really are. I hope that maybe one day we can have a friendship again. Thank you for being so honest with me when you could have easily lead me on.

6. I miss seeing you more frequently. I'm glad that we see each other much more now though than we did in high school. We even hang out and have become great friends. It's so great! Although I don't think I have feelings for you anymore I am glad that being friends has worked out so nicely. I really like just going on walks with you and talking. It's fun just being around you. I hope someday you'll find the Truth again. You've really come a long way. You've gone through a whole lot and you're a very strong young woman!

I think that's enough for now. And yeah, I don't know if they're really what I would say to those people but they are some thoughts I have about them. It feels pretty good to get them out. Don't let this bring you down. There is joy to be found, you just have to know where to look.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

DSTM and Church

I got a few ideas recently of some ways to use my creativity:
Last Thursday I went to about domestic sex trafficking of minors. Although, I was only there for the last hour it was very informative and quite eye-opening. How can we prosecute someone who has already been victimized beyond anything we may ever know? And yet those who victimized them in the first place get off with a small fraction of a day of time. Really? Something just isn't right here! Pimps control their women like they are property; this isn't just something that is happening in rap songs or movies. This is real life! This happens right in our backyard. In your state, maybe even your neighborhood. Let's do something about it. Let's defend these women!
Today at church I was thinking of a good idea for a work of art. But actually I'm thinking now it may be better as a screenplay or some other type of writing, like satire but very close to what is really happening. Something about handing out masks in church and something else to gloss over ourselves. Magazine cutouts and things could make for a good short film. We'll see how this works.
Sorry I haven't been keeping this very up-to-date lately. If you're wanting me to do so, leave a comment and I'll try a little harder.
Hope this finds you well.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Clichés, Love Maps, and Similar Feelings

Welcome to my heart. Sorry it's not exactly as you expected it. I've stepped on it a few times and tried to glue it back together myself sometimes. I have come to realize that my own glue never works. But I know that instead of using glue, God makes me brand new everyday. And that works so much better.
For whatever reason, I've been full of emotion today. This isn't just one emotion, but several mixed into one. It's like my life is a blender and I'm spinning from the inside out. I feel it in my heart and it reaches near my hands as I type and my mind just needs somewhere to put it out there. So I chose here, as opposed to a journal or something else today. But I'm not really sure where it's going to go, so this post may be a strange one; well it already is, I know that.
Have you ever looked at the snow as a canvas? It seems a bit cliché to see it as a blanket. Everyone says there's a blanket of snow. That was once a great metaphor, but I've now heard it too many times. I mean it describes it well, but maybe we should come back to that a little later. Think of thin layer of powdery snow as an artist's blank canvas. God stretches this canvas out so that we can create as we wish. We are given a choice. So what do we choose? I just thought that seeing the snow as a canvas was a nice analogy that I had never heard before.
Today I made another Love Map to describe my current situation. The first one I made was just on the computer and about a half a year ago. It was one of my situations while studying abroad. But this time it seems a little conceited and I don't mean for it to be so I don't think I'm going to share it. Plus, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to reveal it right now. Right now I really just need patience and self-control. Waiting is so hard and it makes self-control even harder. It's nice to know that other people experience feelings just like mine:

"The One I'm Waiting For"~relient k
"The Mixed Tape"~Jack's Mannequin
"Ocean Avenue"~Yellowcard
"Some Origins of Fire"~Angels & Airwaves

So some parts of those of songs describe some feelings I'm feeling lately. So if you didn't really get how I'm feeling from this post you can check them out.
I've got some stuff that I have to do and should probably get to it. So, for now, remember, there's hope.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Shadows, Slideshows, Wires, and Feeling Better

Hey again! It's still me. Today was sort of a rough day..I talked with that girl to tell her that I care about her and she just told me that she still doesn't feel the way that I do. But she was really honest about it and very gentle. I thank God for that. I thank God that He knows who He has for me. I thank God that whoever that person is out there, she is so much greater than what I think (her name here) is. Wow! I really wish something could work between us two. But if that happened then I wouldn't get a chance to meet this person that God is preparing for me. He's preparing us for each other and this is just another step in the process. How great!
So I've been sort of on the verge of tears tonight and it's not exactly a great feeling. I wish I could just know when God is going to show me who she is. How long I have wanted to know her. This patience will really help me to appreciate her when the time comes. I am so excited to meet her. But my heart aches knowing that I don't even know her yet. Who is she? What is she going through now? I hope she's alright. My heart just aches. I hope that it's soon.
On my way back to my apartment from CRU tonight I listened to my iPod and really felt like the Lord was bringing me a little bit of comfort through that. Yes, God can speak through music. Here's some things that He told me on my way home:
"Sometimes solutions aren't so simple. Sometimes goodbye's the only way...Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple. Sometime's goodbye's the only way"
"If you never say your name out loud to anyone they can never ever call you by it. If I kiss you where it's sore will you feel better? Will you feel anything at all?"
"How you gonna feel it if you won't let go? You're scared to death of being alone. When you're scared like that you'll grow a heart of stone."
"In the movies, on the big screen, I'd make you mine"

So I'm moving on. It's much easier said than done. But I know there's a God who loves me beyond understanding. He has much bigger and better plans for me. I have hope. I have strength. I have perseverance. All is found in my Saviour, Jesus Christ!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Carpe Feeling

Hello world!

So...sometimes I feel a little something inside. Something that I see sort of as acceptance. But it's a little more than that. I'm pretty sure there's some psychological and chemical term for it. But it's like the adrenaline (or something) moving through my head as people notice me. Smiles are created and joy is seen in their beings. That feeling brings me joy. I feel that all people have something that does it for them. For me, this particular feeling is making people smile and/or laugh. Perhaps other people it's the firing of a gun, or restraining another individual. Weird! And God knows each and every one of these people more than they will ever dream. So that's just a little something that precipitated into my head during my social work class today.

Here's something else for you. I really think that I must "seize the day." It's time for me to tell the girl that I really, truly care for her. Waiting is doing nothing but keeping it on my mind and what if it's just building these feelings only for her to tear them apart? If I don't tell her now, my mind will continue to flood with thoughts of her. I need: Courage, Boldness, Strength, and Vulnerability

Here I am. I stand in the Power of Christ and when I rip I will not be torn. My legs stand strong, although they're worn.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Don't Erase This From My Memory

Wow! What a great night! Tonight was full of emotion! Well I went to a dance performance to see a friend perform but it ended up that she wasn't even performing. But we got to catch up and that was just so amazing! It's not like there was anything profound that we talked about or anything, just getting to talk with her was great! Then the Hope For Haiti Now Telethon was on and that was really touching. It brought some tears to my eyes and hope into my already exploding (in a good way) heart. Then Conan's last stand on The Tonight Show was pretty amazing. He seems like a great guy!
Oh! The day was great also. I felt the Holy Spirit tugging at me to talk with someone and had a great experience and was able to use my Spanish going to Wal-Mart. I didn't really see any immediate results but it felt good to actually realize that it really was the Holy Spirit. I briefly told someone about it and the Spirit encouraged me that I should keep it up. What a great bit of encouragement. If you want to know about the experience just let me know.
I've got joy on the heart and a smile leaking out! How great this life is when we really listen to what God has in store for us!!
Have a great day! Smile from the inside out!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Embracing God's Fingerprints

Hey everybody! I'm back again. This time I've got a little something to write about.

Recently, I've really just wanted to feel the embrace of God. It's something I've been praying about. I know that God is here with me in my struggles, my ecstatic joys, and everything in between but I have just wanted to really feel it. I have (selfishly, it seems) longed to feel tangibly the God that I know never abandons me. Well, the other day I feel that God gave me that hug I really was wishing for. I was sitting outside in below freezing temperature waiting for the bus to come pick me up so I could get to campus. As I was sitting there a light snow was falling from the sky. A few flakes began to land on my jacket and I began to look at them. I looked at them and began to think of them as little fingerprints of God. They remind me of how God came down as fully man and yet fully God in Jesus. These pure fingerprints falling from Heaven were not hindered from the exhaust of cars driving by like the snow that lay already on the ground. The snow that had already accumulated was like the great gifts that God has given us that we have left to tarnish in this world. We have stepped on them, driven over them, and sometimes we even slip on them and still we don't realize the greatness that God does each day. Even though we continue to take for granted his amazing forgiveness, love, and grace (to name a few), they will continue to fall from Heaven like these flakes of snow. He will continue to love us, although we screw up again and again. How great a God we have!
On somewhat of a side note, tonight at CRU I learned that the name Habakkuk (one of the minor prophets in the Old Testament means "embrace." There's another nice hug from God. Isn't that amazing? God really is good! :)
And another note that isn't completely related: I've had the thought of how amazing it is that the God I serve, the God who loves me, the God who made the universe; He made footprints on the sea! How many people can say that? I'm not sure when I first thought that, but I believe it was in the last week or so and then it came to mind again tonight during CRU. There's just really a lot of imagery in thinking of footprints on the sea. Perhaps I'll write on that another time!
So until next time, ¡Cuidense!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Here's to Thousand and Ten

Hey! Sorry it's been awhile. I've had some ideas about stuff to write but wasn't sure if I wanted to write them here or in a journal. I may place some of them here but I think I'm going to save them for another place and time. I just got done watching ESPN's most memorable moments of the decade and it was one of those moments where my heart reminded me that it was there. It sounds cliché to say that it was touching but that's kind of all I can think of to describe it. It's like the feeling when you're watching an inspirational movie. But this is real life! At the same time it sort of made me feel old. Has it really been ten years since 2000? It's so hard to believe. I don't know if you want an update on my life or what you really look for when you come here but I just worked for the first time since I came home from Argentina tonight and I work again in the morning. I plan on leaving to go back to Boone next weekend, Saturday or Sunday (the 9th or 10th). So I'm just hangin' out here in Cary and workin' until then. Maybe I'll start updating this a little more frequently as I used to. We'll see...
Resolutions? I'm not sure yet.. maybe try to buy little to no T-shirts and it sure would be nice to have someone to share this life with. Someone to hold and comfort. That's all I'm really thinking for now...I don't know. So until next time ¡Cuidense!