Life is perception. Sharing perception is communication. Explaining communication is description. Analyzing description is interpretation. Understanding interpretation creates definition.
And the limits to definition may create misconception. Language is limiting. Yes, language is powerful and to some extent it is what separates the humans from other animals. However, language, art, and other forms of expression are all incomplete. Have you thought about how although we may try to "fully" describe something, it can still allude us. For example, how does one describe the color cerulean blue to a person who has been blind their entire life? Another example, can someone write a poem, paint a picture, or even sing a song that will make a stranger fall in love?
No, and infatuation is not love. Can someone remind me of that? That infatuation is not love. I'm falling for feelings and at the same time I'm falling apart. There are parts of me that remain intact but like a lot of people right now I am so craving community, social interaction, or just the right people to respond or say something, anything.
Life lately is Groundhog Day. Everything's the same and all my efforts to change it go unnoticed or they fall on deaf ears. I want to step outside myself and see who I am or how they see me but my skin fits too tightly. I can't leave this place. Yes, it's physical distancing, not social isolation, and yes we live in an age where technology allows us to remain connected although we are apart. But this isn't connection.
Where does my heart find these strings I thought I cut long ago? Who is leading it to long-forgotten dumpsters? Why does infatuation keep finding me? How do all these chains know what it takes to bind me? When will I learn to step out of my own prison that confines me?
Who is this behind me? Maybe she's somewhere inside me. I cannot escape the alliance inside me. No one will enter into these shadows if I do not invite them. And the ones I invite are those who are so far that my words never reach them. Emotionally unavailable. Why do I fall? Why can't I stand still and be content? Will there be a moment that this all makes sense? How do I say "yes" to today, push the past back where it came from, and let the future embrace me in its time?
No, it's not likely you can understand me, and no I'm not trying to step above you or complicate me. I'm just leaving here what it's inside me. I need it to escape. Somehow. I need to escape. Somehow I need to reveal what's inside me. I need something beyond wires and cables, doors with windows, and animals in cages. I am beside me but my skin is woven too tightly for me to find me. I cannot find solace in hollow words; you must know that by now. Words do not define me.
Every definition is limited. Why are there multiple definitions? Because definition is perception. And perception is left up to interpretation.
Maybe one day this will all make sense.
Maybe some day I will have a revelation.
Perhaps soon shall arrive a sense of realization.
