Don't Erase This From My Memory

Wow! What a great night! Tonight was full of emotion! Well I went to a dance performance to see a friend perform but it ended up that she wasn't even performing. But we got to catch up and that was just so amazing! It's not like there was anything profound that we talked about or anything, just getting to talk with her was great! Then the Hope For Haiti Now Telethon was on and that was really touching. It brought some tears to my eyes and hope into my already exploding (in a good way) heart. Then Conan's last stand on The Tonight Show was pretty amazing. He seems like a great guy!

Oh! The day was great also. I felt the Holy Spirit tugging at me to talk with someone and had a great experience and was able to use my Spanish going to Wal-Mart. I didn't really see any immediate results but it felt good to actually realize that it really was the Holy Spirit. I briefly told someone about it and the Spirit encouraged me that I should keep it up. What a great bit of encouragement. If you want to know about the experience just let me know.

I've got joy on the heart and a smile leaking out! How great this life is when we really listen to what God has in store for us!!

Have a great day! Smile from the inside out!

¡Cuidense!

Embracing God's Fingerprints

Hey everybody! I'm back again. This time I've got a little something to write about.

Recently, I've really just wanted to feel the embrace of God. It's something I've been praying about. I know that God is here with me in my struggles, my ecstatic joys, and everything in between but I have just wanted to really feel it. I have (selfishly, it seems) longed to feel tangibly the God that I know never abandons me. Well, the other day I feel that God gave me that hug I really was wishing for. I was sitting outside in below freezing temperature waiting for the bus to come pick me up so I could get to campus. As I was sitting there a light snow was falling from the sky. A few flakes began to land on my jacket and I began to look at them. I looked at them and began to think of them as little fingerprints of God. They remind me of how God came down as fully man and yet fully God in Jesus. These pure fingerprints falling from Heaven were not hindered from the exhaust of cars driving by like the snow that lay already on the ground. The snow that had already accumulated was like the great gifts that God has given us that we have left to tarnish in this world. We have stepped on them, driven over them, and sometimes we even slip on them and still we don't realize the greatness that God does each day. Even though we continue to take for granted his amazing forgiveness, love, and grace (to name a few), they will continue to fall from Heaven like these flakes of snow. He will continue to love us, although we screw up again and again. How great a God we have!

On somewhat of a side note, tonight at CRU I learned that the name Habakkuk (one of the minor prophets in the Old Testament means "embrace." There's another nice hug from God. Isn't that amazing? God really is good! :)

And another note that isn't completely related: I've had the thought of how amazing it is that the God I serve, the God who loves me, the God who made the universe; He made footprints on the sea! How many people can say that? I'm not sure when I first thought that, but I believe it was in the last week or so and then it came to mind again tonight during CRU. There's just really a lot of imagery in thinking of footprints on the sea. Perhaps I'll write on that another time!

So until next time, ¡Cuidense!

Here's to Thousand and Ten

Hey! Sorry it's been awhile. I've had some ideas about stuff to write but wasn't sure if I wanted to write them here or in a journal. I may place some of them here but I think I'm going to save them for another place and time. I just got done watching ESPN's most memorable moments of the decade and it was one of those moments where my heart reminded me that it was there. It sounds cliché to say that it was touching but that's kind of all I can think of to describe it. It's like the feeling when you're watching an inspirational movie. But this is real life! At the same time it sort of made me feel old. Has it really been ten years since 2000? It's so hard to believe. I don't know if you want an update on my life or what you really look for when you come here but I just worked for the first time since I came home from Argentina tonight and I work again in the morning. I plan on leaving to go back to Boone next weekend, Saturday or Sunday (the 9th or 10th). So I'm just hangin' out here in Cary and workin' until then. Maybe I'll start updating this a little more frequently as I used to. We'll see...

Resolutions? I'm not sure yet.. maybe try to buy little to no T-shirts and it sure would be nice to have someone to share this life with. Someone to hold and comfort. That's all I'm really thinking for now...I don't know. So until next time ¡Cuidense!

Ramble On

Do you remember me? I know I haven't posted in a while. Well, I'm back here, in two ways. I'm back on this Blog for a little while and I'm back home. I got home a week ago from Argentina. It really was a great experience. I had a great time. But I am oh so glad to be home. Sure, sometimes I'm still bored, but that's part of life. Many times I find myself wanting to be in the next stage. I need to learn to enjoy what I'm living, where I'm living it.

It's really good to be back in North Carolina though. Sometimes I just wish that I knew who she was. I know that God's timing is perfect so I can't complain. If I were somehow able to interrupt His timing it would not be a good thing at all. It would all happen too fast and out of place. So I am thankful that He knows just what He's doing.

I don't know if it's because of Christmas time coming around but I have felt some sort of weird feelings about material possessions and stuff like that lately. I think God's just showing me that I should be doing something with my life. He's showing me that I need to do more than just sit around. He's showing me that I can make a difference in this world. In order to do that I must work to affect those around me. No one who is wise doesn't make mistakes. People who are considered geniuses got there through many mistakes. That means sometimes they may have said things that weren't right or done things that seemed to drag them further down. But really it just drew them nearer to success.

And what is success anyway? Being seen in the eyes of the world as someone who knows what he/she is talking about? Is that worth anything? Sure, we can get the respect of other people, but there comes a time when standing up for oneself is necessary. It is better to be a fool in the world's eyes and a wise man after God's own heart than to live with no regard for God.

That's it for now...

Carolina In My Mind

Today was a good day. I leave for home in five days. As my time here has been coming to a close I've been getting more excited to be home. I'm actually missing home. I looked up North Carolina on Wikipedia tonight to check out some population stats for a friend. It made me nostalgic for this state that I've lived in for so long. Although I don't consider North Carolina my home state, it really is a great place. I mean, it's got a little bit of everything: the beach, the mountains, and everything in between. The heat, the cold. The snow, the hurricanes. The floods, the droughts. The lakes, the ocean. The town, the city, the country. According to Wikipedia, it's the fastest growing state this side of the Mississippi, and understandably so! I am proud to live in North Carolina and to have grown up there. Thinking now, I have some good things I could write on, especially if I go with the Tru's English teacher's technique: write what you know. So, I think I may just write some about the life of a North Carolinian. Places that may sound normal and boring to me, could sound exotic and interesting to others. Like hearing about a random midwestern town in a song. So I think I'm going to write (not necessarily here on my Blog) about North Carolina places, even if I haven't really been to those places. They are places I at least know of, like Albemarle Sound, that sounds nice. Could be a strange and/or unique sound to someone somewhere else. So that's the plan for the near future. It may happen. As for right now, this entry is D-O-N-E.

Looking through a Lens of Loneliness

Hi.  I'm Kirby.  Welcome to my life.

Here's a little glimpse.  

Many times I feel so alone.  But many times I am reminded of just how alone I am not.  Sometimes I am even woken up enough to see that all of this is really about more than just me and my circumstances.  So here is what I see right now.  Through this lens of loneliness I see that it is not me who is the loneliest.  It is He.  I see that my loneliness is a reflection of the loneliness that God feels regarding our relationship.  I wait up all night hoping that something will happen.  Hoping that she'll come back, that I'll know who she is.  I don't lose faith.  I know that this waiting isn't for nothing.  Patience shall be rewarded.  But how can I keep doing this?  After so many times have I not learned that sometimes she just won't show up?  But I want so badly to believe her when she says she'll be here.

That's me.  I'm the one who promises it all and doesn't deliver.  I tell God that I'm on my way.  That I want to be closer.  That I'll be there.  But thankfully, I realize His grace does not run out.  He'll wait outside in 20 below.  He'll wait for me, even when I do not show.  How can I ever match up to a love like this?  The answer is: I can't.  I just have to pursue Him wholeheartedly.  So here's my life.  Take it or leave it, but please, if you're going to take it, share it.

Living in a Broken World

So here's where I am now.

Right where I am is where God has placed me.  Where He wants me.  He may not desire for me to stay permanently in this spot but I have a purpose in the here and now.  Sitting around doing nothing about it is exactly what I should not be doing.  With His strength I make it through each day.  He brings me immeasurable joy that is beyond understanding.  I think right now what I'm learning is that I need to learn to love myself for the way that I am.  Is that right?  That's something difficult.  I don't want to be boastful or conceited.  But is it true that I must learn to love myself before I can be loved by someone else on this earth?  What a concept!

Sometimes waiting is just so hard.  I know that God is preparing she and I for each other.  I pray that He is growing us closer to Himself and to each other.  Every day is a chance to learn something new.  God has taught me some new things lately, or really just opened my eyes to some things that He sees.  I have sung "break my heart for what breaks Yours" while worshipping and he did just that this weekend.  On Saturday, Halloween, I went to a boliche (club) and really just saw how broken this world that we're living in is.  We all just want to be loved, to be appreciated, to be known.  Too many times we look to the temporary things of this world to satisfy our eternal desires.  Why do we do that?  We want immediate gratification.  What we really want is something that lasts and although those things don't last we will risk too much for them.  Why?  These fleeting joys are nothing in comparison to what can be found in Christ!  We must look to Him for a life with meaning, joy and truth.  What else will last anywhere near as long?