Saturday, November 7, 2009

Looking through a Lens of Loneliness

Hi.  I'm Kirby.  Welcome to my life.

Here's a little glimpse.  

Many times I feel so alone.  But many times I am reminded of just how alone I am not.  Sometimes I am even woken up enough to see that all of this is really about more than just me and my circumstances.  So here is what I see right now.  Through this lens of loneliness I see that it is not me who is the loneliest.  It is He.  I see that my loneliness is a reflection of the loneliness that God feels regarding our relationship.  I wait up all night hoping that something will happen.  Hoping that she'll come back, that I'll know who she is.  I don't lose faith.  I know that this waiting isn't for nothing.  Patience shall be rewarded.  But how can I keep doing this?  After so many times have I not learned that sometimes she just won't show up?  But I want so badly to believe her when she says she'll be here.
That's me.  I'm the one who promises it all and doesn't deliver.  I tell God that I'm on my way.  That I want to be closer.  That I'll be there.  But thankfully, I realize His grace does not run out.  He'll wait outside in 20 below.  He'll wait for me, even when I do not show.  How can I ever match up to a love like this?  The answer is: I can't.  I just have to pursue Him wholeheartedly.  So here's my life.  Take it or leave it, but please, if you're going to take it, share it.

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