I feel I could possibly be in so many love stories. Which one is mine though? Which of these stories is the true one that will lead to ultimate happiness? There! Right there! That's my problem. I think that a relationship is going to make me happy. That is NOT true. The only relationship I need is the one with my Father in Heaven. He is the One who sustains me. The One who gives me energy to make it through everyday. The One who gives me so much more than a second chance. But yet I find myself pursuing a relationship with a girl soooo much. And it's not even always the same girl. I can start liking someone pretty easily and that can be a problem. But then I also think so far in advance, which can also be a problem. I think about things that would be so far in the future when I barely even know someone.
I do think that Lent was good for me trying to not pursue a relationship though. I think I did it some. Toward the end it was getting tough. But I think it made me realize that sometimes good friends come in different forms. I can grow closer with some people a lot faster than with others. I think it's great. But it doesn't always have to be something like a relationship. In this respect I'm talking about the boyfriend-girlfriend-type relationship. Sometimes being friends is the best thing. If God causes other feelings to develop, then so be it.
Something that's been sort of difficult lately is wanting that relationship but at the same time knowing that I'm going to be gone for about half a year. I'm not going to see a lot of these people at school for a long time, and some of them are studying abroad in the Spring so I won't see them for even longer.
It's always hard wanting a relationship and trying to have patience and wait on God's timing. But it's especially hard when you like someone that you probably won't see for another year. I don't want to ruin our friendship because I really value it, as does she actually. But at the same time I feel like maybe we could be something more. I guess this year will give us both time to think. Time to think about what we are to each other. Maybe time to find the one for us. I know the last time I gave her time to think I regretted not telling her how I feel but now I have told her. Now I just want to know where I go from this stage.
This part of the roller coaster was the big hill. Yesterday I told her and basically put my heart on the table. Today, after processing my heart and her feelings, she slipped my heart back under the door. But it wasn't something she did out of hate. I completely respect her for doing what she did. The decline of this hill could have been much steeper if I had gone on thinking something was there that wasn't really. I appreciate her for not leading me down a dead end road.
So yesterday I was in a developing love story. As of today at about 5 o'clock I'm not too sure. Is this just another chapter?
Something random I thought about during worship at CRU tonight was:
So Superman saves the day, but who saves the night?
Is that why the night is such a time of darkness?
Thankfully, I have a Savior who saves no matter how bright!
Sometimes life is dull and there is no light,
But I know my Savior still does have the might.
Where are you in life?