Quitter

It's not a word I want in my vocabulary.  Or maybe it's just not a word that I don't want to have a preference toward.  Everything in my life lately feels so much like nothing that I just don't know where to turn anymore.  I'm running out of options and I'm running without moving.  Where do I go? I'm stuck in this lonely, though populated desert.  Who do I talk to?  I don't want this life to just be on repeat as it is lately.  Nor do I desire to be a statistic.  So what then?

Do I quit?  Do I start something new?  What does it look like to start over?  How does one do such a thing?  I don't know what to do anymore.  Everything seems like nothing and I'm repeating myself.  All these connections feel like dialup.  They feel like there is barely meaning.  Meanwhile I've been at work for over two hours and no one else has even showed up.  So then what?

Do I check myself in?  Do I try and rise myself?  Who is there?  Why do I feel so much like an island in this sea of people?  What people?  Where?  Help.  I don't know what's going on.  I don't know where to go.  I'm stuck.  Houston is a flypaper of comfort.  Who will help me?  Help is a cry, but not a shout for sympathy.  Help is a gentle whisper with my mouth closed for empathy.  For togetherness.  Who is here?  Who will hear?  Help.

How do I help if I can't help?  Help.