One quick thing before I go. Motivation comes slowly these days. I can go to the bookstore, browse more books. I can sleep on the sofa. I can even leave my apartment in an attempt to get something done. The problem is once I get there my mind seems to stop working.
Depression is real. I don't want to use it as a crutch but that even seems to be a way for it to get to me. "Don't claim depression as a reason for your problems," it tells me, "you're just being lazy and anyone else would be doing something in your situation." That's just not fair! I want so desperately to get these things done but I feel blank.
Meanwhile, I feel like an island or a lighthouse. Everyone's just sailing passed me. A bird almost flew into me, how does that happen? Anything I do feels like nothing, yet it requires so much more effort than usual. Some people might say to just join up with people and talk about it. It seems so easy but it's not. I'm stuck here at a place where I feel like I can't really move forward. The main group of people that I could potentially be reaching out to don't seem to be the right ones. Am I being too picky?
Help. Help. Help.
But remember empathy, not sympathy.