Monday, February 4, 2013

Moments of Meaning

Grandma says God has a reason for me to be here, otherwise He would've taken me back long ago.

It's nights like tonight when I feel like that purpose is being realized.  Nights with heartfelt conversation, where the word heartfelt feels like more than a metaphor or more than an adjective.  These conversations feel like two hearts embracing at just the right moment.

These talks calm me down.  They feel like I'm being held right where I am.  I don't need to go anywhere.  Somehow I already feel myself missing it but I won't let it pass me by.

Nights like this You teach me about myself.  You're always that listening ear and I really feel it at such times.  Words flow from my lips like juice:

Am I just being so personal because I hope that eventually someone will get me?  That someone will catch me where I am and understand me?  Am I just waiting for that person know who I really am and love me there?

I want to be loved and I want to love.  This desire for intimacy is human.  I live in reality and I must remember that.  I live in today, not tomorrow, and certainly not tomorrow.  Something's beating inside my chest and it's not for the past or future.  The beating keeps me going today.

There is something calming, something soothing, about being here now.  I don't want this to end.  Still, let's keep moving, one step and then another.  Don't look at my footprints, nor the path ahead of me, I must just move with time.

And one last thing I just remembered, a quote from someone not myself though I'm not exactly who, "You view God the same way that you view yourself."  It's goes something like that and I believe it was from a professor at Denver Seminary.  To consider.

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