Monday, January 21, 2013

Dying Daily

1. more thing before I go
2. sleep.

This life sure is something.

I'm learning so much recently.  Sometimes what at the moment can cause me to feel so down and lost, can lead me into a point of such hope.  I guess the same sort of thing can be applied to the moments when I almost feel like something else is controlling me.  Those moments when I feel like I am controlled by desire, a desire for a good feeling.  Those moments are strange because I know they are fleeting, yet it's so difficult to abandon that desire.

I am learning that death can be a good thing.  This is not a desire for attention, not speaking around suicidal thoughts.  No, it's not that at all.  I am finding that these moments where I see something I had hoped for dying, I recognize that it was not something to hope for at all.  It too is fleeting.  Even looking for a relationship with meaning is not why we're here.

Do I want a relationship?  Honestly?  Yes.  But should I be actively seeking that out?  No, not right now at least.  If I am seeking it out in the way that I have been in the past then I will not find it.  It will not have the meaning that I want it to.  I must be patient and find who I am in Christ right now.  A relationship with a significant other is not where meaning in life is found.  The opposite may be what a lot of our society is trying to tell us but it's just not true.

I am made to love and to serve and that is what I will do.  Death is a part of this life and I would even venture to say that it is a part of this life that I need to invest more time in.  I need to die daily.  Let's work on that.  It may sound clich√© to say it, but dying daily is such an important aspect to really living.  So let's make something of this life.

That seems to be all for now.  Just had to share that.  Something's coming and perhaps this is it.  Or maybe this is just a part of it.  But I feel it.  This life is exciting.

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