Quick! Before anymore words leave me in the form of little more than an invisible breeze!
I thought I loved you but it was infatuation. Infatuation is for me is perhaps a feeling that I must realize more. So often I think I "fall in love" with someone but that must be what it is. Love is patient. I can't fall that quickly. Can I? I don't think so...
I thought I fell and on paper it looks so good. I thought about it more. It seemed good. It seemed legitimate, but now I don't feel it anymore. I'm not bitter about that though. I am actually glad that I don't feel it. In the past few years or so I've tried to convince myself that I want to be friends with someone (many someones in fact) and just see where that goes. That has meant that I am really hoping for a more intimate relationship. Something I can't get so quickly from humans. An intimate relationship will not be established in a day. It will not be established in a week. In some cases, it may not even be established in a year. We must endure a lot of time. We must see people in different situations.
Like a friend I have. When I first met her I'll admit I had a crush on her but that time wasn't right. I was infatuated with her, though I barely knew her. Over time I let it grow, when I had hoped the time was right. That has happened at least a couple other times since then but now I feel so much better about it. I don't feel like I have about past people, where I think, "perhaps this time it could be different." No, I realize that I love this person without holding back. I love her as a friend and have realized that that is something I can do. It's possible to love a friend. And we can be honest about that. In fact, it is the being honest and open that has really helped us out, I believe.
Before, when I let my heart think things that my mind knew weren't true, I got myself in a bind. Now though, we are beginning to understand each other. She knows that my heart runs sprints and while my mind is a distance runner. She knows to be clear with me and I am comfortable being clear with her. Previously we had said things about that but now it's clearer. Or perhaps now we're actually doing it; we're being honest with each other.
And that's just something that I wanted to say. Some of the other words may have already evaporated, but this was helpful.