I woke up with the feeling that I wanted to fast-forward and rewind. I wanted to be places where I'm not. Why can't I just be content with the life that I'm in? Now seeing some of the music that's been new this week shows me some of this back and forward feeling. The Nineties appear to be back and the future is here too. Some artists that were bigger in the Nineties have come back with another try, some after trying their own thing musically, others after what seemed like a musical gap. Then there are those artists that have become popular lately though they somehow seem to be the independent type. That can be pretty exciting.
But I'm not sure why I'm telling you this. Why am I hoping in this? I actually hope that I am not hoping in this. Where is the hope in this world? It's evaporating. That's where it is. It won't last.
So where do I stand? If the things I observe with my five senses are fleeting where do I turn? What do I use to observe what will last? I can relate to the thorn in the flesh. It's as if there are arrows in my head, sometimes leaking hope and truth and other times penetrating deep into destruction. The blood of my nothing seeps into dark moments of life and I wonder where to go from it. I cannot run from a thorn in my flesh. I cannot escape from a broken bone in my body.
Perhaps this seems much darker than it is but sometimes it may be darker still. What happens here in life while I'm living. I stay inside as the sun is shining. My skin grows pale and my thoughts make me weak. Who then, will I spend time with? My life is leaking and no one seems to notice but me. But I feel so many notice in the anxiety of everyone watching. Are they speaking behind my back in front of me? The thoughts I think they're thinking cause me to conspire against myself. It's something that we do. Those with broken minds. But the glue just isn't sticking. Something must be done to heal this pain inside.
Don't tell me clichés. I know them and they're not helping. Don't fake your care. I can see through it like a child. And don't give me obligatory "love." There is something about being here. Something about being near. Something where my hand is held and no one can really know what they're doing. Something about the truth in authenticity.
It may seem as though I am depressed but do not stress. Don't despair for then I have done the opposite of my purpose, though it is not just positivity. I believe it is being true in love. Being authentic and pointing to the One from above.
"and you can't jump the tracks, we're like cars on a cable"