It's like another feeling that I currently have: midnight hunger. You know the feeling? When you're pretty wide awake, it's late at night, you think you should be sleeping, but you're also somehow hungry. You think, "Should I eat something or just try and get some sleep? It wouldn't be good for me to eat something now, but I am quite hungry."
I also just watched a video of a couple friends from when we were studying abroad. It was a video of them swing dancing at the international festival. It's kind of hard to believe that was about a year and a half ago now. That video was a nice initiator of happy thoughts and nostalgic butterflies.
And I've got three more exams and a critique before officially graduating. It's pretty surreal. Am I really graduating in less than a week? Where am I going to go? What am I going to do? I try not to let those questions get too far into my skull. If I did, they might cause some sort of anxiety attack. But just below the surface I'm a little excited about this time of transition. I don't know exactly where I'll be in just over 6 months and it's pretty exciting. I'm ready for new opportunities. I don't want this life to end but don't want to love my life in a way that I shouldn't. This life is nothing. I mustn't get too caught up in all the living of life.
Am I falling for someone? Not really. My heart says yes, but my mind knows it's infatuation. I barely even know her. So often my heart thinks it's my mind and desperately tries to think things through. I think the thinking should be left up to my mind, maybe even sometimes the feeling too. So I'm preparing a little more each day to jump this ship, hoping that the water will hold me up, or I'll land softly on solid ground and I won't regret the day I jumped.