I'm 22 for a moment. Yet sometimes these moments seem so long. Sometimes I long to fast-forward to the next period. The next moment. I sleep during the day and lie awake at night. The stars keep me company but the room is so cold.
I'm 22 for a moment. And that moment is going so fast. I look back and 18 is only a day away. Where did the last four years go? My life is moving and I'm trying to catch up. I'm trying to make the most of it. Or, I wish I was. There are so many days that I would like to have back. If that means that I could change them. Could do something about them. Sure, there are days that I'm glad I am through with, but my heart keeps beating and sometimes I would just like a pause.
I'm 22 for a moment. And more than 21 moments have passed me by with regret. More than a month has been wasted. Should that not inspire me to change? I guess it goes back to me being powerless to change myself.
I'm 22 for a moment. And there have been so many moments where I've been living for something else. Things not worthy of my time. Even noble things with the wrong motive. I have tried to convince myself that the reason I want a relationship is to reflect the relationship of the Triune God with Himself and with Man. But I am only deceiving myself. I pursue relationships to find identity. To find where I am, even who I am. This is not what they were meant for. No wonder I have not found that authentic relationship yet. I'm not seeking the Kingdom first. I've become a person who is only Kingdom-minded when it is convenient for me. I have lost the order of my priorities. My heart has deceived me. I have listened to my feelings rather than my Creator. Perhaps when I listen to what God has to say to me I will better understand these feelings I have. Maybe He'll let me have a relationship. But I cannot be pursuing that with my heart and my life as I have been. That is only messing with my mind and pushing away authentic time with the One who made me from scratch.
I'm 22 for a moment. And I can't let that moment pass me by. I can't let my heart forget how to fly.