Falling asleep in an effort to pull the emergency brake is flawed. The sun doesn't rise any slower. Falling in and out of nothingness is like trying to find one's balance on a cloud. I'm dizzily spinning in and out of something that always evades my grasp. If the world is full of nothing and the shadows just whisper in the dark, where does that leave you and me? Does anyone even hear the whispers above the clouded static that reach beyond the cordless vocals?
Nothing. That's all it is. Don't strain yourself for meaning. Don't reach for something that isn't there. Do not fear that you haven't found anything. It's like trying to reach into a glass of water to grab the strand of ink that is dancing ever gently.
Now the glass is empty and your head hurts for having tried. You can try harder but even with onions there isn't enough emotion to make you cry harder. Still. You'll try. Trust me; as I write this I can sense these things. What may have started out as a gentle nudge from empathic or sentimental synapses is now little more than hyperbolic shades of gray coming up for air.
No one will notice if you put the book down and walk away. You've proved you can read. Now show them that you truly value your time. Step back and enter into what a lived life is. Learn to thrive. Pass by the shadows of a forgotten soul on a page and learn what it means to thrive. Better yet, bypass the learning and just do it. You will learn in the falling. You will succeed in the failing. You will understand in the questioning. Do not let false impressions and imitations of wisdom trick you into believing words are the highest power. Indeed they have strength, something about swords and pens, but if you really believe that then create, practice, make mistakes, live.
There is something out there. Go get lost trying to find it.
Isn't that so much greater than waking up to find you wasted years thinking it would materialize in before you?
Fall with your face on the ground. The taste of the earth will set your feet on the trail, whether it's been traversed before or not is no matter; it's the forward motion pushes you further.