Tuesday, November 11, 2014

I Need Someone to Walk Alongside Me Vol. I

I need someone to walk alongside me.  Not occasionally.  Not every now and then.  I need someone here every moment of every day.  Though I know that that's not reasonable.  It's not a realistic request.  Some may say it's metaphoric but it feels like so much more.  What do I do about this?  Where do I go?

I'm supposed to find out what this means to me but how do I define something that took long enough to find?  It means what I've said: I just need someone to walk with me.  Someone I can talk with.  Someone I can rely on.  Someone I can be myself with.  Why do I need someone else?  Why can't I be myself by myself?  Why am I not content to be me?  I don't need anyone else.  I don't want to define myself in someone else.  I want to live a life alive.  What do I do?  What's next?  What do I do here?

I'm stuck.  I'm stuck because the good days, the good moments, they tell me they're not real.  They tell me that I'm not doing enough.  I tell them what I'm feeling and they say it's not enough.  They say I'm not working on myself enough.  So, now what?  I'm trying, aren't I?  I know that it's getting to be so intellectual that the emotions are so far removed, but aren't emotions just that, feelings?  I can't live my life being pushed by every which wind.  It seems like I'm doing that to a certain extent but it's not enough.

So, now what?

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