I need someone to walk alongside me. Not occasionally. Not every now and then. I need someone here every moment of every day. Though I know that that's not reasonable. It's not a realistic request. Some may say it's metaphoric but it feels like so much more. What do I do about this? Where do I go?
I'm supposed to find out what this means to me but how do I define something that took long enough to find? It means what I've said: I just need someone to walk with me. Someone I can talk with. Someone I can rely on. Someone I can be myself with. Why do I need someone else? Why can't I be myself by myself? Why am I not content to be me? I don't need anyone else. I don't want to define myself in someone else. I want to live a life alive. What do I do? What's next? What do I do here?
I'm stuck. I'm stuck because the good days, the good moments, they tell me they're not real. They tell me that I'm not doing enough. I tell them what I'm feeling and they say it's not enough. They say I'm not working on myself enough. So, now what? I'm trying, aren't I? I know that it's getting to be so intellectual that the emotions are so far removed, but aren't emotions just that, feelings? I can't live my life being pushed by every which wind. It seems like I'm doing that to a certain extent but it's not enough.
So, now what?
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