Everything inside me whispers "something more, something beyond this," but the message from outside is to find contentment and meaningfulness in what is right now. A racing mind and a stagnant body. I can't tell what's taking me away, or rather what's worth chasing after. Something about autumn seems to make me fall heart first. It's like waking from a deep hibernation with a sudden appetite for nearly forgotten friendships. They often come from nowhere; these four walls can't hold them in, or maybe they can't defend against them.
Why must my mind consider the improbable? Must it always fool my heart into dreaming the impossible? I don't know why you've entered my mind again. It's happened at least once before, but I cannot catalyst is invisible, it's unknown and seems to be unstoppable. Will this continue in forthcoming years? Will it persist if I'm with another?
Will I ever have a chance to get to know you again? Will you even give me a chance? I know that so much can and has changed in the nearly ten years since we've spoken audible words, but how can we see anything of that if we hide behind screens and walls? I just want to see you. To talk with you. To know what this is.
The way I can envision you walking away is so subtly profound. It's everything I have left of you but these words and faint pictures that never move like you move me.
Maybe it's nothing. Maybe you'll disappear once more into the recesses of my heart's memories. Maybe we'll see each other when our grays have become fully pronounced. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and I wish I could hear you say something back. I'm not the same and I'm willing to wait. I'm not who I was and I'm curious who you are.
Where would any of this take us?
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