Break me Open

"Quit acting out of fear that you call love."

Why does anyone have to feel alone?  Well, truly we don't have to feel alone.  Why do we feel alone?  We never really are, but I want something more than cold and empty words.  I want words that touch me deep inside.  I want connection.  I desire to be fulfilled that I run in a full sprint toward comfort.  Comfort is not connection.  Connection can involve comfort, but when I'm impatient and I want something now, comfort is waiting at the door.  She's such an easy sell.  She seems to whisper my name.  She doesn't even have to yell.

So I strive to ignore her voice.  I strive to turn the other way and go down the longer, more challenging path.  And she follows me.  It's so hard to keep walking in the right direction.  Thankfully, I have a Guide that picks me up and turns me back around every time I lose my footing or turn the other way.  My Guide doesn't tire of turning me around.  My Guide disciplines me when necessary.

And along this path everything is perfect.  It's crazy how it works, the perfection in this broken world.  Everything is in its right place and yet nothing is right.  We've been put together, though we're falling apart.  We've been rescued, though we're still struggling to stay afloat.  We're encouraged to throw the life vest to others while we stay afloat ourselves.  But the journey is not a lonely one.  When we share the life preserver with others we somehow manage to gain better footing.  And stranger still, it's not just because we've done something good for another that we begin to realize that we can swim.  We are learning that we are not alone in this fight and we believe.

I don't want just words.  I want life.  I want depth.  Rattle me to the bone, though I'm scared to mean it.  Mold me.  I know nothing is impossible with You.  Please take the barrel off of my forehead.  Remove it from inside my mind.  Wash me so that white can again be a color of purity.  Wash me so that I can be found in You and You can be found in me.  Wash me clean and remind me I'm Yours.  And You're mine.

And teach me humility, not self-deprecation.  Teach me to love my neighbors as myself.  As myself.  And as myself.  And teach me to not judge those around me and teach remove these chains from inside my chest.  Free me.