Speaking into clouds

Dear Reader,

I'm not sure who I'm speaking to so it shall be to you this time.  My life has been quite ordinary lately.  I haven't had much to going on but perhaps I can think of something.

Like last night when I was thinking about a time I don't really remember but I recall being told of it.  A time when I said something to the effect of "It seems like everything seems to happen to me."  This was when I was much younger, probably sometime in early to mid-elementary school years.  Apparently my saying gave my mother the impression that I thought I there was something wrong with me.  So rather than think that, she said, "You're just really special," or something like that.

But it does seem like so much happens to me and yet not enough.  And could this time be the reason that I sometimes feel like I have to be different to fit in?  Or that maybe if something happened to me people would care?

I don't want to think of that but is there truth in it?

There's clearly something broken inside me but I don't want to blame my behavior on something or someone else.

I'm probably just speaking words into clouds and no one will see them for days or perhaps months.

Oh, and another thing.  I read this this morning.  So no matter my desire, no matter my effort, none of this matters.  Nothing but the mercy and compassion of God.  So I must love mercy.

But I think that's all for now.  If I'm speaking into the clouds tonight their ears are already tired or they have better things to do.  And the wind blows steadily.