Everyone is Worth Dying For

Today I drove by a homeless man and I felt guilty.

I said hey to him and he said hi back. My window was open and his sign read: Homeless, Anything Helps. As I drove down the road I thought of a poem entitled Okay by Lowell Jaeger and a discussion that I had with some coworkers about it. I thought about what I could do to help, what I should have done to help. An internal war waged within my being. A war of guilt, shame, and disgust. I thought of how I could turn around and take him to lunch and almost did so at several turns. "Who knows if he's even there still," I thought to myself. "He'll be fine, someone else will help him," I tried to convince myself. But I couldn't help thinking that Jesus is found in the "least of these." I did not feed Him when He was hungry, and the guilt and shame grew like a thorn bush around my heart. I imagined myself having a conversation with this man over lunch, him sharing his story. And I imagined his life without my having stopped for him. What were his holiday plans? Was the season even colder for him. I saw him crying himself to sleep, somewhere on a street downtown. My heart broke and nothing came out but a couple small icicles and a pebble or two. Why didn't I turn around? Why do I let fear and discomfort determine my actions?

I told myself if I saw another such person on the way home I would do something about it. I did see one as I passed another intersection ten or so blocks down the road. But again I convinced myself that it was too out of the way. Too inconvenient. He was facing the other way and I would have to turn around. HAVE TO TURN AROUND!? What remained of my heart fell like a paper weight made of glass onto a cold cement floor. I could not even turn around?! Could I have saved this man's life by giving him a temporary relief from sorrow and strife? I thought of who I am and who God has revealed Himself to be. I thought of how I was like a crying baby left out on the street. I was as good as dead with no one to help me. I could do nothing on my own to save myself but God did not leave me there. He saw my pain and He took it on Himself so that I might live. It was not easy for Him. It was more than just turning around. More than giving of earthly resources like money or food. It was giving His Son and enduring unimaginable pain. But He knew it would be worth it. He knew that through the pain there was gain.

So I prayed. I asked God to teach me to how to love as He loves. Then I thought, "Have I not been taught to love in this way already?" So I prayed for boldness. Boldness in love. I prayed that I might learn to be bold in the way that I love others. I don't want to be bold about foolish things that exalt myself. I want to be bold in ways that show people that they are truly cared for and truly appreciated. When I'm testifying about what and how my life was, I don't want it to be a shame to look back at. I want to know that I was bold in how I loved God's children. Every person who has lived on this earth was made in the holy and precious image of God. No one should be left out. No one should be excluded. Every person, man or woman, should be loved as a brother or sister.

I write this as a warning to my brothers and sisters. Do not let anything convince you that you are more important or valuable than anyone else. You are valuable and you matter so very much, but you must keep a humble heart. You must remember where you come from. Where you have fallen so that you can know how to help others up who are on the ground. Have a plan for when you come into contact with people you're uncomfortable with. Learn to love patiently and without hesitation or second thoughts. Don't let the world or anyone convince you that life isn't precious or that certain people don't matter. Everyone has a story to tell and sometimes all we need are listening ears and an open heart.

Words to Remember when Day Breaks and Night Falls

We say the night falls. Another name for the dawn is daybreak. It would seem that we have brought brokenness and the fall into every part of our lives. I think that we have. We have done nothing to bring redemption to the world. It was nothing on our part. Nothing we could help. We can claim redemption but we cannot claim its authorship. The day breaks because the heart of the world is broken. That's right, it's broken, bruised, torn, bleeding, and in need of repair. This world we live in is worn and needs mending. If any of us claim perfection we are lying to ourselves and the world. What can be done to fix us? Nothing on our part. Anything that we do in an attempt to mend the world is a defunct screwdriver screwing broken screws; it just won't work. True, it may seem to fit together for a time, but that won't last. We, as humans, only know how to temporarily solve our problems.

No one has cracked the code of death. No one that is, except Jesus, the One who is both God and Man. The One who was before and will still be after time ends. It is through Him that we find redemption. Through Him that we can claim Truth and Life and Wholeness. As broken as we are, He is that much more whole. He can make us whole. And while we are here on earth we may never truly experience the gravity of our togetherness, but we can experience small glimpses of it. Our bodies long to be a part of something whole. We long to know true gratification and acceptance. We long to be accepted for who we are, not what we are, how much we are, what we wear, or anything like that. We want to know if true, lasting love is possible.

That's why so often we try to find love and acceptance elsewhere. We forget what we were made for. We try to put off some of the feelings that we're having for the sake of temporary gratification. We think an ounce of happiness will help hold us off until we find the unlimited joy. We deceive ourselves into thinking we'll be happy with the small imitations of joy in this life. This life is not all that there is; we so quickly forget that. Many times it's not a forgetfulness but rather an ignorance. We want satisfaction now. We're impatient. But we must learn patience for we will be held accountable for this life.

Please remember that His love never ends. His care for you will not dwindle. His pleasure in your life remains. Though this world bends you back and forth until you are torn, broken, bruised, and bleeding, He can revive you. Though things may not seem to get better, or nothing seems to be new anymore, He can make all things new. The One who knows everything and has seen and felt it all, somehow manages to make it all brand new.

Hopes, Fears, Pride, and Humility

If I'm honest I don't have the best confidence. Or perhaps more specifically I have little confidence in myself. Maybe it's an issue of self-image. I feel that we're typically our most critical critique of ourselves. But I have gotten better about it. It is hard to find the balance though sometimes between humility and pride. I'm also sort of confused about where I stand in some situations lately. Well...maybe

I'm trying to stay clear of pursuing relationships with the opposite sex for a time. I want to rely fully on God for my fulfillment and it can be a difficult lesson to learn. Maybe the way to do that is not to dwell on singleness but to love everyone equally. It may seem cliché but it seems that something went off in my mind this morning, showing me how this may be possible. It's a love that doesn't play favorites and a love that doesn't pursue relationships out of selfish interest. I want to learn about people, male and female, and how they desire to be loved. I want to learn about people's hopes and fears and share life with them. Not with a desire to find "the one" but simply to show them they are loved. I want to show people this love that I have so graciously received. I know that I don't deserve an ounce of this love that dwells in my heart but God gives it freely, and how can I not share that? We all want to be held in some way, part of life is just finding out how. I have spoken before about how laughter can build bridges but also close doors. I believe that if we use it to build bridges people will be willing to open their heart's doors to what we have to say. When we build bridges that connect our funny bones, people aren't so afraid of the words that follow. There must be a healthy balance between laughter and love. Love must overcome all emotion, but laughter is just a tool used to gently ease into conversations of Truth. I don't mean to sound cultish and I'm not sure if I do, but maybe that's just the lack of self-confidence coming out through my fingers as I type.

To conclude, I just want to say that I'm learning to love with little self-interest. It's a difficult task, but with help I can do it. Life must be a sacrifice and we must remember that even the boring moments are included in our lives for a reason. The times where we do little, or have little to do, are not breaks in our lives. They are moments with every amount of potential as the rest. Let us remember that we will be held accountable for the moments of action and the moments of inaction. When in doubt, choose to love and not shout. Use gentle words when possible but remember that love is not genuine without at least some discipline.

Restoration

Hey there. If you are like me, sometimes you need a little encouragement. So here you go:

When your heart is breaking, the pieces are falling into His lap. He'll restore you. When you feel like you can't even trust yourself, know that His trust hasn't waned a single bit. When love is hard to find, and you don't feel worthy of anything, remember Him. He became the lowest so that He could know your feelings and love you where you are. When you seem to be constantly reminded of your failures, seek Him; He will show you just how precious you are in His sight.

Jesus be my shelter that I can live inside. Be the place where I can run and hide. I don't want to hide myself in tents made of tearing plastic. I want to be found in You. If I'm broken, may it be for You. Take my heart and mold me like the clay that I once was. Purchase me from my desires and the death that seems to so easily entangle my life. Change me for You and make me a liberal giver of all of the resources that You have so generously given me. Take my life and make it Yours. In Your most holy Name, Amen.

Quickdate

Hey world. I like to try and post on this Blog at least once a month and have thought about it recently, but I've been pretty busy. So just a quick update. I am currently moving to Denver. Well, I'm actually in Denver already and am mostly moved in. I've still got a lot to do so I'm going to go ahead and end this post, but if someone wants an update soon and I don't seem to be getting on it, just go ahead and let me know. You can leave a comment here or contact me some other way. Hope you are well!

Sometimes it's not the yeast that builds the Bread of Life

Hello readers and simple observers. Here's an interesting anecdote. I just finished not making bread. Yeah, that's right, I said not making bread. That's because while making it this time, when I got to the part where I was supposed to let the bread rise in some relative heat I decided it was hot enough to do it outside. Why not? I mean it seemed hot enough and I could save some energy while doing it and I could still cover it. So I went for it! An hour later I came back to the bowl and removed the towel I had placed over it to discover about a handful of ants in the dough. After doing a little research, including calling my grandma, checking online, and talking with my mom, I decided not to complete the bread making process. It was going to be soo good too! It had Italian seasoning (done that before and it's delicious!), mozzarella cheese, and sun dried tomatoes. I think I'll try making it again sometime soon.

So that was an unfortunate turn of events. But I know that it wasn't an accident. Sure, I didn't intend to prepare an entire loaf of bread only to have to throw it all away. But as I was cleaning up the counter I believe the Holy Spirit led me to a certain realization. As some of the excess dough and flour remained on the counter, it was a bit of a challenge to clean it all up. I had to use my fingernails and really scrape at the granite surface to get the dried ingredients up. Before doing that I tried just washing it with water and even some soap but that didn't work. Only after I had removed most of the dough with considerable effort was I able to use soap and a special cleaner in order to completely clean the counter where I had been. Had I not cleaned it completely, it would have attracted ants, creating a greater disaster than before. So I had to clean it all, I couldn't leave a crumb and hope that it somehow cleaned itself.

And somehow, I truly believe it was by the Holy Spirit, the thought entered we as human beings are like the counter. We will all be judged based upon the same guidelines. We are all held equally responsible for our own actions. Though so often we think that if we do something good, it will erase the bad that we've done, it won't. We justify our sin by comparing ourselves to others. I know that I sometimes I'm guilty of thinking that although I'm not pure in heart, I'm trying, and isn't trying enough? The sad fact is that it may not be. I must strive to be the best that I can be, to be pure in heart, pure in soul, and pure in mind. I know that I cannot do it myself. I need my Savior's help. But I can't lean on Him as a crutch. I can't think lightly of sin, because then it creeps into the cracks of my life and begins to expand them until I no longer no what to do about it. He will deliver me, but I must do my part. I must live my life as a living sacrifice, sacrificing temporary thrills for true life, sacrificing brief despair for future joy, sacrificing uncomfortable feelings for everlasting placidity.

I am thankful for the Holy Spirit revealing this to me and allowing me to share it with you. I hope that you can benefit from it and you can truly take it to heart. Analyze yourself. Challenge yourself, for if your life is not positively challenging, are you even really living or are you just existing?

Right Now

Hello there you. Here's some words:

I'm pretty sure I first thought about this about a week ago. A lot of my thinking lately has been regarding the future. Before graduating from App, a lot of my thinking was about the past. I was beginning to miss the life that I was still living because I knew that it would soon be gone. So I have come to realize that I need to focus more on living in the present. This is not to say that I am going to forget the consequences of my actions and just throw caution to the wind. I must seize the day though. I'm looking for a new job but have to remember that where I am is where I am. Also, who I am is who I am. Who I am is not who I will be, or who I was, but who I am at the moment that I am. Perhaps this is a step after crawling. Maybe it's learning while living. This step involves others, but I know that I can climb them because I know that I am not alone in this climb. When another day comes, another story or lesson may, but today I am who I am in this moment.