A Mild Tremor Within The Brain

Hi. I'm Kirby. Well, you can call me that. I don't know what to say but I feel words welling up in my mind. This is me trying to give them a voice. I can hear them in the distance but I don't understand what they are saying. I sense freedom and know that I have found it in the most true way of the word. But still sometimes I can feel restriction. How can that be freedom? Is it even anywhere near it? So I'm just writing what it is as it draws nearer to my frontal lobe. It's another thought on patience. That's something I'm still working on. Some of the words that I have begun to hear are words that can't yet come out. Words that have restrictions. Those are the words that lack the freedom. Yet, they are not in chains. These words aren't enslaved in my mind, they just wish the circumstances were different. So, I would have to say contentment is important too. Achieving contentment seems like an oxymoron. To achieve such a thing as contentment is not reasonable. Contentment must be found where one is. It is not to be achieved. But still we search for it. This is quite unlike the door to our dreams. I read a small passage in my journal today and it really made me think. We don't search for the door to our dreams because we are too afraid that if we find it, not only may our dreams become reality, but our nightmares as well. So the door remains in the wide open. An iceberg in the desert. But no one dares go near it. Some have thought about going close but on further thinking pursued reality. So our dreams remain separate from our reality. They are separate but both very real. So those are the words that the cerebrum let escape on this Wednesday afternoon. There are still uncountable words in there and only a small fraction of them will ever leave. But when they do, how will they be seen?

What about Acting?

I have come to the realization that being an actor isn't something I'd really like to do. If you're constantly posing as other people what will be written about you? Nothing. Instead of being your own person, you will constantly be someone else. It's not that I've really wanted to be an actor but I mean I've sort of had it in the back of my head at times. I just don't feel like pursuing it and find so much more joy in other things. I would rather be myself and really enjoy living this life than constantly live the lives of other people and find some joy. If you think about it a lot of movies and shows are about normal people. They become extraordinary and actors portray them so that others may know of what they've done.
That's just something I was thinking about. Take care!

Dear Vienna, All is Love, Always

"I regarded the world as such a sad sight until I viewed it in black and white"~Owl City

Hey there.

I'm not really sure where this is leading but just go with it.

I got a fun idea from a note I saw that someone wrote on Facebook. It said write "ten things you wish you could say to ten anonymous people right now." So, I'm not sure if I'll do ten but I thought it was a neat idea. So here goes...

1. I think you're a fun person to hang out with. It's fun to talk with you but I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I don't see us in a relationship. I think being friends works just fine. But I don't know how to tell you because what if I'm wrong in thinking that you like me? I don't want to seem conceited so I don't know how to tell you.

2. Man! You're so pretty. Sometimes it's hard to focus in class 'cause I'm thinking about you. Then I catch myself and try not to. I've got to focus on class, especially since you've already got someone else. I like talking with you or just listening to you speak but I want to respect you and your boyfriend. So I'm trying so hard to be patient and wait for the day when you two are no longer together. You also remind me a lot of my sister and I really admire my sister so that's a very good thing! I want you to see the other side of me but I'm trying to respect your current relationship. ...Maybe I'll find someone else before you break...

3. I've got a weird feeling you may get proposed to this week..but really I don't think it'll happen. But I do think that you and him will get married eventually. Good for you guys. I can only wonder though, did you ever feel anything for me? By the way, I'm so sorry for ever being that guy.

4. You're really a great friend and I'm glad I have you in my life. I know there was a time that we were both sort of confused as to where we stand. But for whatever reason I think staying friends with you is just fine with me. I'm glad we can be really close and that we both agree on that. You really are a great person and some guy is gonna be really lucky to get to spend the rest of his life with you.

5. Boy was it hard letting go of you. Correction it is hard letting go of you. I really just wanted to show you that there is someone who cares for you. I wanted to care for you the way that a real friend does. I want you to know that the Truth. I've wanted you to see that there is so much more to this life than all these temporary joys. I hope someday you will see that. I hope you will find someone who cares for who you really are. I hope that maybe one day we can have a friendship again. Thank you for being so honest with me when you could have easily lead me on.

6. I miss seeing you more frequently. I'm glad that we see each other much more now though than we did in high school. We even hang out and have become great friends. It's so great! Although I don't think I have feelings for you anymore I am glad that being friends has worked out so nicely. I really like just going on walks with you and talking. It's fun just being around you. I hope someday you'll find the Truth again. You've really come a long way. You've gone through a whole lot and you're a very strong young woman!

I think that's enough for now. And yeah, I don't know if they're really what I would say to those people but they are some thoughts I have about them. It feels pretty good to get them out. Don't let this bring you down. There is joy to be found, you just have to know where to look.

DSTM and Church

Hey.

I got a few ideas recently of some ways to use my creativity:

Last Thursday I went to a..forum? about domestic sex trafficking of minors. Although, I was only there for the last hour it was very informative and quite eye-opening. How can we prosecute someone who has already been victimized beyond anything we may ever know? And yet those who victimized them in the first place get off with a small fraction of a day of time. Really? Something just isn't right here! Pimps control their women like they are property; this isn't just something that is happening in rap songs or movies. This is real life! This happens right in our backyard. In your state, maybe even your neighborhood. Let's do something about it. Let's defend these women!

Also.

Today at church I was thinking of a good idea for a work of art. But actually I'm thinking now it may be better as a screenplay or some other type of writing, like satire but very close to what is really happening. Something about handing out masks in church and something else to gloss over ourselves. Magazine cutouts and things could make for a good short film. We'll see how this works.

Sorry I haven't been keeping this very up-to-date lately. If you're wanting me to do so, leave a comment and I'll try a little harder.

Hope this finds you well.