Carolina In My Mind

Today was a good day. I leave for home in five days. As my time here has been coming to a close I've been getting more excited to be home. I'm actually missing home. I looked up North Carolina on Wikipedia tonight to check out some population stats for a friend. It made me nostalgic for this state that I've lived in for so long. Although I don't consider North Carolina my home state, it really is a great place. I mean, it's got a little bit of everything: the beach, the mountains, and everything in between. The heat, the cold. The snow, the hurricanes. The floods, the droughts. The lakes, the ocean. The town, the city, the country. According to Wikipedia, it's the fastest growing state this side of the Mississippi, and understandably so! I am proud to live in North Carolina and to have grown up there. Thinking now, I have some good things I could write on, especially if I go with the Tru's English teacher's technique: write what you know. So, I think I may just write some about the life of a North Carolinian. Places that may sound normal and boring to me, could sound exotic and interesting to others. Like hearing about a random midwestern town in a song. So I think I'm going to write (not necessarily here on my Blog) about North Carolina places, even if I haven't really been to those places. They are places I at least know of, like Albemarle Sound, that sounds nice. Could be a strange and/or unique sound to someone somewhere else. So that's the plan for the near future. It may happen. As for right now, this entry is D-O-N-E.

Looking through a Lens of Loneliness

Hi.  I'm Kirby.  Welcome to my life.

Here's a little glimpse.  

Many times I feel so alone.  But many times I am reminded of just how alone I am not.  Sometimes I am even woken up enough to see that all of this is really about more than just me and my circumstances.  So here is what I see right now.  Through this lens of loneliness I see that it is not me who is the loneliest.  It is He.  I see that my loneliness is a reflection of the loneliness that God feels regarding our relationship.  I wait up all night hoping that something will happen.  Hoping that she'll come back, that I'll know who she is.  I don't lose faith.  I know that this waiting isn't for nothing.  Patience shall be rewarded.  But how can I keep doing this?  After so many times have I not learned that sometimes she just won't show up?  But I want so badly to believe her when she says she'll be here.

That's me.  I'm the one who promises it all and doesn't deliver.  I tell God that I'm on my way.  That I want to be closer.  That I'll be there.  But thankfully, I realize His grace does not run out.  He'll wait outside in 20 below.  He'll wait for me, even when I do not show.  How can I ever match up to a love like this?  The answer is: I can't.  I just have to pursue Him wholeheartedly.  So here's my life.  Take it or leave it, but please, if you're going to take it, share it.

Living in a Broken World

So here's where I am now.

Right where I am is where God has placed me.  Where He wants me.  He may not desire for me to stay permanently in this spot but I have a purpose in the here and now.  Sitting around doing nothing about it is exactly what I should not be doing.  With His strength I make it through each day.  He brings me immeasurable joy that is beyond understanding.  I think right now what I'm learning is that I need to learn to love myself for the way that I am.  Is that right?  That's something difficult.  I don't want to be boastful or conceited.  But is it true that I must learn to love myself before I can be loved by someone else on this earth?  What a concept!

Sometimes waiting is just so hard.  I know that God is preparing she and I for each other.  I pray that He is growing us closer to Himself and to each other.  Every day is a chance to learn something new.  God has taught me some new things lately, or really just opened my eyes to some things that He sees.  I have sung "break my heart for what breaks Yours" while worshipping and he did just that this weekend.  On Saturday, Halloween, I went to a boliche (club) and really just saw how broken this world that we're living in is.  We all just want to be loved, to be appreciated, to be known.  Too many times we look to the temporary things of this world to satisfy our eternal desires.  Why do we do that?  We want immediate gratification.  What we really want is something that lasts and although those things don't last we will risk too much for them.  Why?  These fleeting joys are nothing in comparison to what can be found in Christ!  We must look to Him for a life with meaning, joy and truth.  What else will last anywhere near as long?